Father

In memory and tribute for you Mr Schwartz, on the days before your 88th Birthday on Monday June 3rd. I think about you my father, my friend, my inspiration, my playmate my confidant .. How can I find a world where you are not in it. I can see you in my memories, in photos even in your films, but I cant see you, smell or touch you, I can never tickle your toes and embarrass you with my dramatic ways my endless tears of joy and pain. All my calls when I needed your help, guidance and advice. I miss wiping away your tears, holding your hand, dancing with you. I so miss watching you paint and the subtle smell of turpentine that used to follow you, I miss watching your creative process. I love when you used to sit and explain the cloud formations or the direction of the winds. I miss all your stories that you used to tell for the entertainment at my expense, stories of me as a little girl, when I sat next to you as a woman. I would often be mortified in shame, and wanted to slip under the tables. I miss the easy days of my childhood in Los Angeles, at the house in Bel Air, which was a wild sanctuary for all of us, spending our days in the sun watching you do your laps in the pool. I miss the way you called my name . I miss how when I called you, the first thing you always asking me is Allegra where are you now? I miss you being concerned why I was not married. I miss you asking me if I needed anything … All I need right now is to have you back. I have so many unanswered questions, I find them every day and I feel you in the back of me whispering in my ear. I know you are with me. I just cant see you .. When I am in an uncomfortable place or people judge me or I get hurt, I always wonder, What would you have done in my position? Would the Bronx come out or would you be a gentleman?

I always try to be a lady because that is what you would expect of me. I am always in gratitude of the life you gave me because in my world you were just my father full of love, the greatest stories, you always had the ability to make me see things in a completely different way. You lived and loved as an artist, the same life I have chosen for myself. I miss you every day, and if you were here I believe you would be amazed in my strength, my compassionate heart, the way I always overcome hard situations and my crazy and unique sense of humor. I am happy you chose me and I chose you … because of what you showed me of the world and of yourself, even if it wasn’t always easy. Love was the key, so my father, you are forever in my heart and as you always said “ Nobody’s Perfect“ and that is the truth ..

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